Pericles, Prince of Tyre by William Shakespeare

ISBN 10: 0681446595

ISBN 13: 9780681446595

Publisher: HarperCollins

LAST PLAY LET’S GOOOO

• We’re immediately told that Antiochus and his daughter are in an incestuous relationship.
• Pericles comes to solve a riddle and win the princess’s hand in marriage but when the riddle says that Antiochus and the princess are from Alabama, he’s like, “I’ve got to get the fuck out of here.”
• I’m with Pericles on this one. Why would you even want the pussy when she’s been banging her father, ew?????
• It might be that the princess is an unwilling participant. The king is the king, after all, but we’re not given enough information.
• Antiochus can’t just have someone running around who knows what’s up, so he sends an assassin, Thaliard, after Pericles.
• Helicanus tells Pericles that it’s probably a good idea to “take a trip overseas” because Antiochus is a hot-head. Helicanus temporary takes the throne. Thaliard hears this and gives up the assassination attempt.
• Pericles goes to Tharsus, which is suffering a depression. He brings them food and stays there. While this is a kind offering, how long were they suffering from a food shortage? Mighty nice to wait until you need something in return lol
• The messenger who informs Pericles that he should leave Tharsus is KNIGHTED. Why?
• Pericles is shipwrecked and is the only survivor!!
• Pericles is, like, mind-blown that these three fishermen have life knowledge and wisdom. Anyways, he promises to help them out if he succeeds gaining favor from the king.
• The fisherman praise King Simonides even though they admit that if they fail to catch anything they’ll starve. I doubt that’s true for the nobility…
• Okay, Pericles gets married to Thaisa in the weirdest way possible lmfao I would have thought I was about to die???
• Speaking of death, that honeymoon is cut short because as they’re traveling over the sea, Thaisa dies in childbirth. Somehow she doesn’t drown and suffocate when Pericles has her sealed in a coffin and thrown overboard. Like damn, they used that Gorilla Glue. Anyways, she wakes up when the coffin is opened by some blokes on shore and becomes a nun for Diana.
• Antiochus and his daughter are killed in a fucking fire tornado!!
• Pericles drops off his newborn, Marina, at Tharsus, which turns out to be a bad idea because as she grows up the Queen and her daughter get jealous?? Can’t go five seconds without an evil stepmother story!!!
• The Queen fails to kill Marina because homegirl gets KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES AND SOLD INTO SEX SLAVERY??? AYOOO???? WHAT???
• Marina is so pure that the brothel regulars turn into upstanding citizens. Which is so??? Disrespectful to actual victims of sex slavery?? Begging and pleading doesn’t make most abusers stop. I couldn’t help think of Marquis de Sade’s Justine getting abused over and over despite her piety.
• How is this brothel operating?? Apparently, not even the governor likes it, so how are they not behind bars??
• The brothel owners have had enough of Marina so they sell her again but this time to do teaching work or something.
• Pericles is depressed but is reunited with Marina and Diana tells him to go to her temple. Finally shit is looking up.
• Tharsus revolts against Cleon and Dianyza, killing them off-screen. I mean, it was really Dianyza who plotted against Marina, but I guess since Cleon is a man and didn’t stand up to her, he gets some punishment via death, too lol